Monday, November 12, 2007

After an Eternity of Pressure to be Thin, the Universe Caves

"The universe just got a little bit slimmer. Revised calculations indicate the universe contains less normal and dark matter than previously thought, resulting in a "weight loss" of 10 to 20 percent."

New Measurements: The Universe Weighs Less

When interviewed, the Universe credited sensible eating and exercise for its weight loss. "I feel so much happier now! I don't understand why all of the other Universes don't do what I've done. It's not a matter of dieting, it's a whole new lifestyle."

The Universe's mother promptly began pressuring the Universe's sister to lose weight, leading to laden silences and flung recriminations at Thanksgiving dinner.