"The universe just got a little bit slimmer. Revised calculations indicate the universe contains less normal and dark matter than previously thought, resulting in a "weight loss" of 10 to 20 percent."
New Measurements: The Universe Weighs Less
When interviewed, the Universe credited sensible eating and exercise for its weight loss. "I feel so much happier now! I don't understand why all of the other Universes don't do what I've done. It's not a matter of dieting, it's a whole new lifestyle."
The Universe's mother promptly began pressuring the Universe's sister to lose weight, leading to laden silences and flung recriminations at Thanksgiving dinner.
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